When you hear the word transparency, what do you think of? My initial thought takes me back to high school geometry class. Back in my day, Mr. Turner would write the formulas on this transparent overhead projector. But today a conversation with my dear sweet friend, Janee’, about transparency had to deal with how much truth do you reveal to others. I was trained since birth by both of my parents to trust no one and your problems are your problems, you deal with them and save others the embarassment. I rarely ever ask for help or share the difficulties in my life. Ultimately you save yourself the risk of rejection and judgement from others. That is what I was taught anyways, not necessarily by words but by actions from my parents. I discovered in college that my mother had a pandora’s box of secrets. I mean that literally and figuratively- she does have a box that holds photos, momentos, etc. I confronted her & my father and other family members, everyone was tight lipped. They were secrets deep buried to never surface again until Christmas Eve 2008, the day after my dad passed away. I was standing in the kitchen, when my mother blurted out a secret. I had to remind myself to stay upright! I also had to remain calm and accept whatever she shared. Later that night, she brought out the box- she shared a lifetime with me of deep buried secrets, pain, humilation, anger, bitterness, and hurt. I was shocked to say the least, but yet I felt honored after all this time that she trusted me to open up and be TRANSPARENT. Her secrets are no different than many women around the world- marriage, babies, life, death, abuse, etc. But to her, they weighed a ton. Her decision to keep them locked away was for my safety. I see now that in many ways it did save me and helped me to view the world differently. But she paid a price keeping those secrets, she sacrificed herself, happiness and freedom. Yes, many would have judged her and probably still do and will. But God is our ultimate judge and He loves her, flaws and all!
So this is where my transparency journey begins…